Monopoly Redesign? Blasphemy!

This...

...is the new Monopoly board.

Can they do this?  I learned this afternoon that the CRAZY folks at Hasbro have created a new version of the beloved Monopoly game.  Evidently this new version, dubbed MONOPOLY: Revolution Edition will be available in Fall 2010, which according to my calendar begins next month.  (Gasp)  Here are the specs, as listed in the press release.

Though the new game still features the traditional streets of Atlantic City, property values have risen to reflect today's prices. Instead of collecting $200, players will take in $2 Million every time they pass GO. Helping them track their millions is an electronic “banker” that also serves as the die, and music player. For the first time, sound effects and music clips from hit songs from five decades, including "Umbrella," "Bad Day" and "Drive My Car," provide a soundtrack throughout the game.

I don't think I like this.  Part of the fun of playing Monopoly is having money in different colors, right?!  Maybe that was only me, enjoying every opportunity I had to color-code my life, even at a young age.  I mean, my dad won every damn time we played.  I had to look forward to something.  Have you ever played a board game with my dad?  It's an experience.  Once, Al, Dad and I played the same game of Monopoly for days.  Eventually he had so much property with houses and hotels, my sister was taking out mortgages on her own properties in order to land on his.  And she was young!  Definitely younger than 10.  So clearly, the colorful money was a highlight among that torture.   Side note:  Thanks to Dad and his ruthless playing, I regularly win all board games I play today.  But back to the game.  In addition to eliminating the opportunity to hone one's math skills, this new system eliminates the die?  No rolling?  What do you do?  Press a button and see how many spaces the 'banker' says you can move?

And getting nit-picky, I also find the wedge-shaped properties to be odd.....

Who wants to live on a lot shaped like this?  And as a side note, they have REMOVED Community Chest and Chance cards!!!!!  Dude.  I cannot handle this.

The 'sound effects' they are including are quite disturbing.  What the hell?  MUSIC during MONOPOLY?!  No thanks. Batteries do not belong in Monopoly, if you ask me.  I suppose adjusting the prices for inflation is a practical change, but this is a board game, folks.  Not reality, per se.  I mean, I have gone to jail countless times in Monopoly, but not real life.  And for the record, in my mind, Boardwalk will always cost $400.  Not $4 million, or whatever it is, adjusted for inflation.

But the most bothersome, and the LEAST OK?  The new plastic playing pieces!  Where is my metal iron?  Thimble?  Scottie dog?

While this is clearly ridiculous, there is a saving grace..... it appears that Hasbro will continue to distribute the original, classic, (correct) version of Monopoly.  I, for one, hope no one buys this piece of junk.  Monopoly is not Monopoly without metal playing pieces, rainbow colored money, dice, and a square board.