If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

I am back in the aptly-named sunshine state after a 9-day stint in Ohio. While I enjoyed seeing family and friends, the weather left something to be desired, especially since we did not have a white Christmas. It was cold enough to snow, just no moisture in the air. Alas. Michael and I landed on Sunday afternoon, along with half of the Midwest. You should have seen the Florida airport! And the highways here are more crowded than usual, with approximately 1 out of every 3 cars hailing from a Great Lakes state. This is because they are smart enough to leave the tundra and escape to Florida. Their 'intelligence' unfortunately translates to crowded and very slow highways. I maxed out at 50 mph this morning, and that was at 10:15, after rush hour. The good news is that the 'real' places, such as post office, bank, bookstore, etc. are quiet. No lines! I love it. We're going to EPCOT tomorrow to celebrate New Year's Eve- stay tuned!

By the numbers

I am now in Ohio for a week to celebrate the holidays. And we're definitely not in Florida anymore...

1 - degrees Fairenheit when I went to bed Sunday night
3 - number of stores visited today that did not have mini M&Ms, which I need for snowman cookies
4 - number of times I got stuck on the ice going up the hill of Grandma's driveway Sunday night
5 - degrees Fairenhit when I woke up Monday morning
5 - layers of covers on my bed (flannel sheet, blanket, comforter, knitted afghan, down comforter)
15 - approximate number of wedding gowns I tried on yesterday
15 - approximate number of wedding gowns I did not like after trying them on
35- approximate number of Christmas gifts I wrapped at Nene's on Sunday

Auditory amusements or I am still bad at geography

Michael: Veronica Riffle is in the Czech Republic?
Me: Oh, I thought she was in Prague.
Michael: Yes, that's the capital of the Czech Republic...
Me: Like Beirut is near Lebanon.

Auditory amusements

Radio host: ...so try and relax this holiday season, even if it's only for 5 minutes of silence
Michael: Well, Jules, we certainly won't get that with you around

Auditory absurdity

First, some background. I go to the grocery store a lot. In December the Salvation Army has a collection bucket and a bell ringer outside all the grocery stores. So, this month I have been dropping change and the occasional dollar into the Salvation army bucket for two reasons 1) because my mother taught me at a very young age that you should and 2) I am a nice person.

Earlier this week I literally did not have any change or small dollars and thus did not plan on depositing funds into the bucket on this particular trip.

Salvation Army Bell Ringer: Hello
Me: Good morning. How are you?
SABR: Would you like to make a contribution?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have any change today. But I have making contributions since Thanksgiving and I'm sure I'll be back again soon.
SABR: You don't have any change? Any amount you'd like to donate will help.
Me: You know, I don't have a bit of change today. I do make several trips to the store each week and have put in money in each time, but I can't donate today.
SABR: Every penny helps. And God will bless you!
Me: I'm sure He will, but I'm unable to donate at this time.

I now turn and walk into the store

Driving Fiasco

When we got back from South Carolina I noticed my back left tire was low. It tends to get a little low when the car sits and we had suspected a leaky tire. Monday morning, around 9:45 on December 1 I decided I would go to the gas station and fill the tire with air and then drive to Wal-Mart down the road to get a new tire. In addition to the fix the tire plan, I also planned on going to the grocery store, since we had been gone for 5 days, making a trip to the storage center to pick up Christmas ornaments, and get a car wash. Unfortunately, that didn't so much work.

I was half way to Wal-Mart when the tire just blew out. Completely. As in, shredded and driving on hubcap. Luckily I was right next to the gas station so I pulled in and was not sitting on the side of the road. I pulled in and called for a tow truck to take me to Wal-Mart, literally 5 miles away. Meanwhile, as I waited for the truck, a nice man who had been sitting near a landscaping truck w/ a few other guys approached the car with a small air tank, to fill up the tire. As soon as he saw it shredded he shook his head and said "So do you have a spare?" and I checked and I did, but of course, I am stupid and don't know how to change the damn thing. His buddy Tyronne (who was eating a piece of pecan pie) walked over and we started to chat while Chris crawled around on the ground and changed the tire. Tyronne had just spent the holiday in Georgia with his family, and I suspect that's where the pie came from. The tow truck arrived just as Chris was tightening the last bolt on the tire, so I'm sure they saved me a pretty penny, not needing to pay for the tow. I offered them money but they refused and told me to 'drive carefully' and 'have a good holiday'. So nice!

In case you're wondering, I did make it to Wal-Mart, bought a new tire, and did my grocery shopping while I waited for the car service. Wal-Mart is CHEAP! Definitely reccomended for keeping the grocery bill down. I also fetched the ornaments (after moving several heavy pieces of furniture in the storage unit), did a little bit of Christmas shopping and got the car washed. Of course, the car wash wasn't smooth sailing, either. I didn't buy gas and they don't accept credit cars at the entrance, so I had to back up and go inside and pay. Seriously?! Grrrrrr. And, as icing on the cake, I did not wash my hair or put on makeup that day because I thought I would just be at Wal-Mart's car waiting area a short time to change the tire, no one would see me at the storage place, and the grocery run wouldn't take very long. But of course, since I looked kind of like hell, I ended up in 4 different counties over a 7 hour period (no, seriously) and I think half of Central Florida saw me!

A few things

No hot guys on Oprah today, but I still have a few items to share. One is actually (again) related to Brad Pitt! That was unplanned, but might as well tackle that first.

1) I am enjoying my December issue of In Style which is pretty much the size of a phonebook. There's a pic of Brad and Angelina with a caption "No, you don't have her husband or her wardrobe" and I paused and said Wait a second.... Brad Pitt is NOT her husband! They are not married. They have been dating since 2005 (I think) and he is the father of her kids, but that's nto the same as being her husband. It ticked me off that no one caught that factual error so I wrote to the editor! They really should proof-read better.

2) We are going "up" to South Carolina for Thanksgiving. It is strange to use "up" as the direction, but c'est la vie. SC is chillier than Florida so I have been looking through the suitcase of cold weather clothing we brought to the condo instead of putting in storage. We clearly didn't plan on being here through the fall/winter because there are very few appropriate items in said suitcase. In fact, a decent portion is just a stack of Hard Rock t-shirts. Very useful. However, after removing the HRC shirts and a pair of Curious George PJ pants (seriously) I discovered 2 pair of jeans that I completely forgot that I owned. I was just wondering today how I was going to make it for 4 days with the one pair I have been wearing here during the evenings, and now I don't have to worry! I realized I actually have 4 pair of jeans that FIT ME RIGHT NOW! They fit better today than they did mostly all of 2008 which makes me very happy. I almost want to celebrate with a brownie sundae but I realize that probably will make them fit less well.

3) Early Christmas decorations and celebrating is driving me crazy. We actually bought Christmas cards in Target this past weekend because I was afraid they would run out if we waited until after Thanksgiving. And truly, who wants to go into Target any day in December? To add to the madness, there is a radio station that has, no joke, been playing Christmas music since Halloween. Um- Thanksgiving, anyone? I, for one, love apple pie and turkey and mashed potatoes and corn and the Macy's parade. And especially apple pie. So let's let Thanksgiving and the parade to enjoy their one day of glory.

4) I am making two Thanksgiving desserts tomorrow and am very pumped. Guess what I am making? That's right. Apple pie. (Dessert #2 is pumpkin bread, in case you are wondering)

5) Happy Thanksgiving to my (probably less than 5) loyal readers. Or, as Pepe would say, FELIZ TURKEYS OHKEH!