Friffles

Have we talked about friffles?   I don't think we have.

Several years ago, when ruffles were just becoming trendy and were consequently added to every single piece of women's clothing, the word was born.  Hannah and I were waiting in line at Loft in DuPont.   I noticed a particularly ruffled dress while we were waiting and I said something to the effect of "Look at that giant friffle dress!" and thus created a new word.  (Hannah and I have learned several words together.   Er - I have learned the new words, she stood by me.  See also: delicatessen)

The thing is, I don't really like friffles.  I am more of a tailored or preppy person, you see.   Think Banana Republic, polka dots, linen pants, etc.  I am also 5'9 and rather athletic in build - long arms, long legs, not super curvy.   I joke with Hannah that I look like RuPaul when I wear the frilly stuff.  It works well- it doesn't like me, I don't like it.   Also I like making fun of myself, so this nonsense goes a long way.

So, for the last 5 years or so, we have had an ongoing joke about the excessing fabric additions.   In my defense, I have purchased clothing with fabric adornments, more pleats than friffles....  though I did buy a decidedly friffly dress to wear to my cousin's wedding last year.   Yes I sent a pic to Hannah from the fitting room.   I was petrified, she was cracking up.  Baby steps.   But nothing on this earth could prepare me for this.

source

During the Tony's last night

H: We need to talk about Cicely Tyson's Tony's dress.  The friffle is EATING HER
J: I know!  Dangerous sartorial choice
H: That is excessive friffle

More Funnies from Al

I asked her to be my running buddy, but looks like I got a comedian in the process.  Can't say I am surprised



I ran from E 6th st and East River (involved hopping 2 fences, as technically closed due to construction) .... It was WINDY. Eyes watering, nose running, stumbling sideways.  It was extremely un-princess like. 

Central Park was kicking my ass today ...  the notorious harlem hills necessitated a short walk break. I was thinking to myself "F - - - you, hill!" but that will only take one so far up a 84 foot climb. 

Auditory Amusements: Running Edition

All text messages received from Al before or after long Saturday runs

"Gametime!" -following the iPhone screen shot showing 18 degrees

"Forgot to mention that I raced a horse in the park"
Who won?
"I did!"

"Good news: I saw many dogs today!  Have you seen a dog before?  You probably have."

"I am going to check out the Park in a bit.  I am searching twitter and instagram for info"


"12.06 in 1:56. Take that, hill."

American Icons

Via instant message on Tuesday morning:

Me: Did you see the menu for the Inaugural luncheon yesterday?

Al: No

Me: http://www.examiner.com/article/menu-for-2013-inaugural-luncheon-features-lobster-bison-and-apple-pie

Al:  WHAT?!  The bison is an American icon.   That would be like eating roasted bald eagle.  How awful.

An Actual E-mail Chain

Between my mother, my husband and I the morning we celebrated our 3rd anniversary

Mom: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!     ~:-)

Michael: Aye, it be!  Many thanks!  It also be international talk like a pirate day, arrrgh!

Me: I am married to a crazy person.

Mom: OMG!  I forgot it was Pirate Day!  In that case...

Avast me hearties!  Tis said that today marks ye 3 years of being wed.

Tis a great day for yon landlubbers.  Hoist the sails and raise the rum!

AARGH, indeed!

(looks like your mother is a crazy person, as well - LOL)

Three Funny Conversations

1) Magic Kingdom, Friday afternoon
Riding Big Thunder Mountain

We get into the train car and sit down.  Michael notices a water bottle left in the small pouch, conveniently in place to hold hats, sunglasses, and other items that you'd not like to fly out of the car while riding.  Michael removes the bottle to give to the nearest cast member

Michael: I found a water bottle here.

[meanwhile I put my sunglasses in the pouch]

Cast Member: Oh thank you!

[takes bottle and walks away]

Michael: And some sunglasses!

[reaching into the pouch and grabbing the glasses I just put in there]

Me: No!  Those are mine!

Michael: Never mind!


2) Dining Room Table, Friday evening
Playing Black Jack

Me: You win
Michael: What?
Me: You win.   You have 18
Michael:  No, I don't
Me: Yes you do.  Eleven plus seven equals eighteen
Michael:  Oh!   Aces are eleven!
Me: This might be more fun if you knew the values of all the cards
Michael: And if I knew how to add numbers.

3) Finishing up Dinner, Saturday evening

Me: You know what we should get at Target?
Michael: I do not know
Me: It's a beverage
Michael: At Starbucks?
Me: Yes.
Michael: A latte?
Me: More specifically.....
Michael: I don't know
Me: What time of year is it?
Michael: Oh.   A....... pumpkin..... gingerbread ?
Me: Right church, wrong pew.   Pumpkin spice.
Michael: Yeah.   That.

Free Souvenir

Al and Sal were here this weekend and we had oodles of fun.   It goes without saying that there is more to say on the subject.    Until then, a teaser:

We all rode Star Tours at Hollywood Studios.   After the ride stopped, Alison noticed something rolling around in the seat in front of her.   She took a closer look and immediately grabbed it.   This is unusual; Al rarely touches unknown items for the germ factor alone.   It was obviously something good.

Turns out, a full travel-sized bottle of hand sanitizer had been left behind by a previous rider.   Not only was it:

a) hand sanitizer [one of Al's top favorite products of all time]

but it also

b) was orange
c) smelled like tangerines
d) featured a creature that "looks like Mike Wazowski!"
e) would fit in her carry-on to take back with her
f) could be used to eradicate germs that may have been left behind by the previous owner (how ironic!)

Later in they day Al offered it to all 4 of us before sitting down to dinner.    After we all accepted - trust me, you may not say no- she announced

"This is the best free thing I have ever found in my entire life"

It doesn't take much. . . . we spent hours riding state-of-the-art attractions, and it's the germ-x that gets top billing.

Palmolive: It's Not Just For Dishes

Michael was out of town for a couple of days.  Coincidentally, during the exact days Isaac was supposed to hit Florida, but then took a last minute hook about 4 states to the west.   A series of text messages are below.    I love that he entertains me several states away.   Hear that, single ladies?   Marry a man who can make you laugh.


Setting: Monday morning, hotel restaurant.  Before Michael's business meeting

M:  So I ate bacon and somehow tons of bacon grease splattered all over my pants.  But I remembered the Book of Jules and it says to use dish soap.   I borrowed soapy dish water from kitchen.  Has vastly improved the situation

J: Good thinking!  Use a napkin on your lap next time


A couple hours later

M: I met [the CEO]!

J: Oh boy!  I hope he didn't notice the bacon


Disclaimer: This is not my own personal tip, but one I remembered reading years ago.  It was probably in Good Housekeeping.   The logic being that dish soap cuts through grease on dishes-- and on all other materials.  I'm telling you, it works!

New Airplane Smell

Michael describes his travels on a new airplane earlier this week

Text Message #1: If what I read online is right, my plane is less than two weeks old and has Boeing sky interior!  I am pumped

Text Message #2: Beautiful plane- bins are huge so it speeds boarding.  Windows have the illusion of looking bigger

After picking him up at the airport, conversation in the car:

M: It was amazing!   It even smelled like new plane.   It was a 'new airplane' smell, which is different than a 'new car' smell.

Me: What, exactly, does that mean?

M: It smelled like I was inside a new computer!  

The first of many Olympic texts

Pannie: Watching Olympic trials.  Backstroke event finals now (Aaron Perisol's event). yet he is now retired :(

Me:  No!  Find a new bf w a better last name :)  Pieter [van den Hoogenband] still swims*?

Pannie: don't know.  Will find out in a month, I guess!

Pannie Aaron will be hard to replace.  I loved him for reasons unrelated to last name. (that SMILE, good lord)

Me: OK I will stop being matchmaker now

Pannie: Well don't' stop.   I mean, you found me several possibilities during the last Opening Ceremonies.  You're good at it.

Me: OK if you insist.   I will focus on dutch and africans obv for names.  And all nations for hotties.

*Per Wikipedia, Pieter is retired.

Auditory Amusement

After seeing The Help last weekend (recommended!) Michael and I grabbed food at the Wolfgang Puck quick service restaurant across the street.  We had never been before, but based on our (my) interaction, we should go frequently.  Chad was a riot.   His helpful Disney nametag tells me he is from the midwest.  No surprise there

Me: I don't know what I want
Michael: Jules, just pick something
Me (to Chad, the young guy at the register): I need your opinion please
Chad: OK
Me: If you were going to order a salad, would you choose the barbecue chicken salad or the roasted turkey salad?
Chad: Well, I think I was a T-Rex in a former life and I don't eat salad.  I would tell you to get the pepperoni pizza with extra pepperoni
Me: But I don't really want pizza
Chad: Well, I do eat sandwiches.  So if both of these were sandwiches I would pick the turkey because the chicken salad as a sandwich sounds gross
Me (laughing) : That is not helpful!
Chad: I told you I don't eat salad!
Me (still laughing): Fine.  Ok.  Well, I don't want pizza and since you are no help with the salad, I will order something else
Chad: We do sell a lot of the barbecue chicken salads
Michael: I would like the Thai chicken please
Chad: See, he knows what he wants for dinner
Me: That does not HELP me!  OK, Chad, I am going to have the pesto chicken sandwich.  We met halfway.  You don't like salad, I don't want pizza.   How's this sandwich?
Chad, to Michael: Wow, so this is pretty much your life, huh?
Michael: Yep.
Chad: That's awesome!  The sandwich is good.

My Sister the Comic

Al and I often communicate via gchat rather than phone.   We're cutting edge like that.   Our conversations provide great amusement to me.  Today's chat was no exception.


Alison: I had library books due on Thursday.  I figured I'd shove them in a drop box after work (libraries here are 10-5). Library 1- NO DROP BOX  Library 2: NO DROP BOX!  Library 3: drop box!  for the LOVE OF GOD    So I can barely check books out, and now you are making them difficult to return?!  It's a scheme to get fines just like the evil USPS in cahoots.

Alison: I want the Netflix equivalent of the library, please.  No due dates

me: They have that.  You pay for it like Netflix tho- libraries are free.   I mean, via taxes

Alison: Oh puh lease my taxes are SO HIGH.  I should be having books wrapped in gold leaf and picked up by a trained shiba inu with a saddlebag and a cap that says NYPL

Auditory Amusements

Setting the stage:
A beautiful sunny Sunday in April in Ithaca (without snow) is cause for celebration.  So we went wine tasting and stopped for lunch at Red Newt Bistro.   We shared the Cheddar Apple Dip, which was delicious.   I used my knife to spread the dip on bread, while Michael dunked the bread directly into the ramekin.

Jules: Are you dunking your bread into the dip?
Michael: Yes
Jules: And you're not using your knife.   You do realize we own an Emily Post Etiquette book, right?
Michael:  Yes.  But it's called dip, Jules.   Not spread.

Trick or Treat, Smell My... Apples?

We had a glorious fall evening with the Crookers yesterday.  It was supposed to involve a last hurrah on the boat, zipping around the lake to view the beautiful autumn leaves, and then winterizing the (still unnamed) vessel.  Then we were to enjoy hors d'oeuvres chez Crooker, and go to a nearby local restaurant before indulging in apple pie and Mexican Train back at the house.  Except the boat battery was dead, so that sort of threw a wrench in the works.

Luckily the rest of the evening went off without a hitch.  Since we're a mere week from Halloween, the subject of dinner conversation got to Halloween parties, trick or treaters, costumes, candy, etc.  It turns out, neither Michael nor Marilyn are fans of Halloween.   Kass and I like it because of the candy....  not gonna lie.  After dinner last night, we seem to have gotten to the root of the problem as to why Marilyn does not enjoy All Hallows Eve....

Kass: I took the kids around the neighborhood while Marilyn stayed home for trick or treaters.
Marilyn: I used to pass out apples, but then they'd turn around and throw them at the door after I closed it.
Michael: How old were they?
Marilyn: I don't remember.  I probably had just picked them.
Michael: No, I mean the kids who threw the apples at you
Kass: The kids were fresh, but the apples were probably 5 years old!

Auditory Amusements

We were in Niagara Falls (spotty cell service) and Michael answered his phone

Michael: You're lucky you caught me.... we're in Canada!
Marissa: Where?
Michael:  Niagara Falls
Marissa:  Are you going to elope?!   Oh wait.   You're already married.

Auditory Amusements

After we turn out the lights before bed, Michael and I have a conversation.  The subject matter and duration of the chat varies, but we always talk about something before bed.  It's a ritual, it's relaxing, it's a nice way to end the day.  In typical Jules fashion, I sometimes talk too loud during these times.  I am forever reminded to use my "indoor" or "nighttime" voice.  It's Michael's kind way of saying "Quiet down, you fool.  It's time for bed"  Yesterday was no exception.  I began carrying on at an above-average decibel level....

M (in a whisper): Jules, you're shouting.

J (full voice): So?

M: It's night time.

J: Lots of people shout at night!

M: Yeah, drunks and crazies.

What is a friend?

Michael: How many friends do you have?
Me: [pause and look puzzled]  On facebook?  I don't know.
Michael:  A lot?  Because you just collect them, like shells on the beach.
Me:  Some people have more than 1,000
Michael: I don't even know that many people.

Auditory Amusements

"I love twittering.  Just think if they'd had it in the old days.  Amelia Earhart: Where the hell am I?"
-Joan Rivers

I know she's a cuckoo bird, but you've got to love Joan Rivers and her sound bytes

Auditory Amusements

Me: I still think we should watch the Macy's parade in person some time- how fun would that be?!?!

Al: Probably about as much fun as that time when I had to get 4 fillings done without novocaine.

Yes I realize this makes two quotes in a row....

Auditory Amusements

"That's gross. It's a PHONE! It's only supposed to touch your ear."

Michael, after reading an article about the variety of 'adult' apps available for the iPhone